so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
