My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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