youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
