I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
