brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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