You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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