i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
