At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
