I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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