My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
