You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
