I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
