I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
