Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
