Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
