I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
