I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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