fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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