She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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