I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
you never un-have a 4some
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
