just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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