Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
