You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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