1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
