The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i love accidental penises.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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