when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
