need another drink. this is the easiest way
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
