Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize