so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Boobs are out for the taking
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize