He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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