my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
