my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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