They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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