Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
