I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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