remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
