what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
