I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
