I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I would ride that face into the sunset
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
