Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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