My brain says no but my pants say off.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
