She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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