U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
