K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
