imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
