what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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