You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize