he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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