8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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