they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
