If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
