shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
