once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm too high and old for this...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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