did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
