I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
