Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
...so i touched it.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
