If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
