I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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