I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
