Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
