ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
