wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize