I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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