she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
