how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
