Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
