I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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