i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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