guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
