I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
