you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
