Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
