Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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